Communication: Intention Can Heal

Having conversations about past sexual experiences with a partner can be difficult.  Not knowing how someone may react to the situation, or the choice you made in the situation, can impact a person’s willingness to disclose these experiences.  Trauma around your sexuality has a direct result on your sexual activity, be it past or present.  Being mindful of the potential sexual trauma that you, your partner, or both of you, may have experienced, can give you both insight into each other’s behavior.  In attempting to provide support for your partner, creating an atmosphere of trust, acceptance, and understanding, can go a long way in helping them to get to a place where they can enjoy the sexual experience without feeling the fear of victimization.

One way to begin to create a healing environment for a sexual encounter, is to communicate your intentions to your partner.  If you aren't aware of the potential trauma, you or your partner, may be bringing to the table, you may possibly do something that can trigger an unintended reaction.  If you can be clear about what you want the person to feel, or what you want them to get out of the sexual experience, it gives them a deeper perspective and may allow them the space to let go of any anxiety they may have toward the experience.  By allowing your partner to communicate their intentions, you are giving them another way to voice their feelings and desires, while encouraging them to be mindful and deliberate during the experience.  In addition, when you know what your partner wants you to feel, it can open the door for further communication around past traumatic experiences you both may have encountered.