Dating: What's the Problem?

At a certain point in life, especially as women, the focus of many of our conversations with our friends will be about topics and issues related to relationships; romantic ones, familial ones, work related ones, and the list continues.  In my life, they are mainly romance related conversations and there’s one that always shows up in the room: Why can’t I find someone?... or some variation of that question.

After listening to both men and women talk about this issue, one of the things I find to be true is it’s rarely about the ability to “find” someone, it’s about where the person “looking”, is at in their personal development.  You may be looking for someone who possesses certain qualities that you find attractive, but do you ever think about if the qualities you possess are attractive to that person? 

We often tend to only think about what we want when looking for a partner, and rarely, if at all, think about what a person like that may be looking for in their potential partner.  Some of us spend lots of time pursuing people who show no interest in us or stay in relationships that seem to be an endless stream of disappointment, then become hurt when we feel rejected and used.  Do we stop and ask ourselves, “Why am I pursuing this person?”, “What are they looking for in a relationship?”, “Do I have the qualities they are looking for in a relationship?”, “What do I find attractive about this person?”. Of course we don’t, why?  Because just asking those questions is uncomfortable.

Next time we find ourselves in this place of wondering why we are not finding a desirable romantic relationship, think more about what we say we want, versus what we go after, what we bring to the relationship, versus what we ask of it, boundaries we set, versus behaviors we accept, qualities we desire, versus our actions toward others. Take time to reflect on those thoughts, you may find the ability to transform your attitude and approach to your relationships, and get a different outcome.